Holy Cow, It's Easter! A Tribute to My Late Aunt Susie

Easter is always a time of year I think of my late aunt Susie. I remember one Easter in particular as a youngster in Arlington, TX, in particular, and my mom and I were spending time with my dad's youngest sister. I recall doing the age-old holiday egg dying at her small kitchen table as dogs scattered past, a feature of my life in my 20s. Minus the egg dunking. My small kitchen with green cabinets much like the ones you see on the Parenthood set & my dogs running about or napping one on top of the other keeping warm in the Idaho spring weather, the snow doing its best to melt before May. I kept a pot belly stove warm nearby but that wasn't enough for a pair of labs, one chocolate and one "vanilla," as I liked to say. Sierra seemed to enjoy the snuggle a tad more than my man, Bridger. 

Back to Texas and my aunt Susie who was beloved by the family for her personality, quirkiness, charm, and downright sweet nature. When I was little, I remember Susie at every holiday occasion in Arlington, especially Christmas holidays. She would be the first with a margarita drink in her hand

and all the other adults quickly behind. A lot of her high school friends stopped by to see her on Christmas Eves at her childhood home, a modest three-bedroom that - during the growing up years - housed seven children and two parents. When I was old enough to grasp the idea, I still could not possibly believe that the girls were in the front room, the boys in the middle, and the parents in the back in that small of a space! Every time I stayed there after my years waiting for Santa Claus I shook my head in wonder, How on earth did Daddy, Susie, and the rest of his siblings do THAT? Not to mention there was only one bathroom for five girls and two boys! That's a lot of patience. 

Susie's friends were everyone's friends. They hugged me every time they came by, exchanged hellos with my parents, and my other aunts and uncles. Susie always seemed to have a smile. Grinning ear to ear, she sang her kind of carols for the December holiday. These didn't involve Rudolph, Santa, or a sleigh of packages. It was more like a great big sleigh of songs from Texas troubadours Guy Clark & Jerry Jeff Walker.

The family sang Texas Cookin', Up Against The Wall Redneck Mother, and Pissin' in the Wind... YEAH, there was no Silent Night, for sure. And it was all off key. {Wink!} Poor neighbors. But everyone had fun. I was probably put to sleep before the real fun started. I so desperately wanted to be an adult back then and experience the shrill laughter, the stories, and more. I will never forget my two aunts, Susie and Nancy, kicking up their heels with drinks in their hands; I don't know if their eyes or grins were wider. 

An even quirkier side of Susie was that she loved to collect: cows. Not out in the field exactly... Memorabilia.  Cow ANYTHING! MOO-OVER, it's for Susie. This gal, my aunt, had cow kitchen towels, cow coffee mugs, a cow nightshirt,funny cow slippers,a cow refrigerator magnet collection, and the list goes on..
.

For Christmas one year, I found the perfect gift: a 12 oz. cream-colored mug with large black splotches all over it.  Of course, she loved it. I don't think I ever asked her why she loved cows so much. I wished I did. 

You know, it's funny looking back I don't remember actually talking a lot to Susie come to think of it. It was probably small chats here and there. I spent time watching Susie interact with family and friends. As an impressionable elementary school student, I wanted to soak up who she was as a person as best I could. Her traits were so likable. I wanted to be just like her. Little did I know then, we shared a trait already, a genetic one. 

On a Good Friday, one I will never forget, Mom, Susie and I went to The Stations of the Cross at a Catholic Church in North Texas.

Easter memories

For those of you not familiar, Stations of the Cross follow the story of Jesus carrying the cross to his moment of crucifixion. There are places around the church, plaques or artistic reliefs, that document each moment of Jesus' journey.*

Susie had to endure her own fateful journey, a battle of disease, of surgery, of personal struggle, of saying good-bye. I wasn't there but I am told she was a fighter until the very end. It doesn't surprise me at all.

When things get bad in my own chronic pain realm, I try to think of her bright smile, laughter, and great view of life. The genetic trait I mentioned earlier was Neurofibromatosis or NF1. It was a complicated road of surgeries, hope, the latests drugs, more hope, but in the end it was not to be. It more than cringes me to think she couldn't be with me today.

I have Neurofibromatosis or NF3, Schwannomatosis.* She was in her late 20s when cancer claimed her life. Yet, it didn't claim her spirit, memory, or sparkling attitude. I am still *always* recalling that trio of magnificent emblems, if you will. These will cradle me to my lasting day on this earth. 

What are your emblems? Is there someone in your life you hold dear? What are their sparkling qualities that you see? Write 'em down and let them know. What are lessons you have learned by way of them regarding  LIFE? 

Even though I didn't know her a long time, the time I did have with her was rich, full of lessons. Here's just a few I learned:

1) Always have another margarita! 

2) Party with friends and family! She loved being with both!

3) Go for the romance! She went to Kalamazoo to be with her boyfriend, Jerry. They later married and I was the flower girl! 

4) Animals are a great gift! Treat them with kindness, care, and cuddles. She always had 'em around -- all sizes! 

5) Music can lift up your mood! For Susie, Texas folk music could cure about anything! Here's Guy Clark's Texas Cookin'  for you to try!

6) Start a collection. Anything. Ladybugs.Antiques. I collected frogs at one point. Not real ones. Well, there were the handful of aquatic ones in the fish tank. Another time. Next. It tells something about your personality, maybe too much! Giggle. 

7) Sweet w/ a tad of spice - I think having a sweeter disposition can get you farther in this world than the harsh, hard-as-nails approach. Although, sometimes you do have to speak your mind. Susie did on occasion. A gal has to do what a gal has to do. 

8) Keep up with friends! Get an address book at the dollar store to keep tabs on all your favorite people. Your precious electronic phone needs a backup anyway. Put phone numbers, birthdays, addresses, and names of friends' and family's little ones. Your set. Then, have a margarita! Celebrate! Job well done.

9) Simple: Enjoy life. We are not here forever. Hug that husband. Remember why you went on the first date with him. Cuddle those kids. Call your parents. Sit back and take a deep breath. Take the dog for a walk. Play with the kitten. Exercise. Hear yourself breath. Too much? Meditation. Read a good book.Sit on the back porch and listen to spring... if it's arrived yet! Just ENJOY!

 Ahhh... Something smells good. It's LIFE! 

Or a slice of homemade pie w/ a fresh cup* of coffee

 ©The Healing Redhead

*The photo is provided by Facebook pal/high school friend Nathan Wolf. 

*The tradition as chapel devotion began with St. Francis of Assisi and extended throughout the Roman Catholic Church in the medieval period. It is observed in Lutheranism and within the Anglo-Catholic wing of Anglicanism. The Stations of the Cross may be done at any time, but is most commonly done during the Season of Lent, especially on Good Friday and on Friday evenings during Lent.
*Learn more about Schwannomatosis here
*The cup may or may not be cream and have black spots on it! {wink} 

Starbucks, car radios, and country music

"To me, a song is more than just something to sing. It's something to learn from. It's somebody else's true feeling. I'm always trying to get at the meaning. ...When I write a line, I'm doing the same thing. I'm looking at it from the perspective of if I was driving down the road listening to it, 'What am I gonna get out of it?'" --Clint Black, country crooner

I was eager to get to Starbucks... I believe it was the Saturday after Christmas and I had not had the privilege of getting a coffee drink over the holidays this year. My lovely Aunt Jamie got me a Starbucks basket* with several cards tucked inside. So I decided I wanted to get out of the house for awhile and treat myself to a red cup, a Starbucks signature holiday drink.

Delicious! How I love coffee!

( When you see * go to bottom of blog to read more)

I sipped a 12 oz. white chocolate mocha -- ahh, the creamy decadence -- in my comfy red Subaru* as my Mom picked up a take-and-bake pizza at the shopping center nearby. I watched vehicles of all makes and models move about the parking lot. I often wonder the stories and backgrounds of each person coming and going. Being a storyteller myself, it passes the time to come up with a few scenarios for the person behind this Chevy Tahoe, that Dodge Caravan, or that Ford Mustang and is especially fun in a busy parking lot like this one next to Starbucks, a liquor store, Hastings, and a large grocery store like H-E-B, a Texas staple. This particular area of Bryan - the town next door to College Station - is always busy -- no matter day or night... At least when I've been here but that has been late afternoon or early evening, a prime time for getting DVDs, Jose for drinks later, or the Honey-do grocery list for the guys on the way home from work. 

As I'm watching this guy and that, the inside of the Subaru is quiet. Well, except for the occasional slurp from yours truly. I'm not a big radio fan.  Confession: I don't listen to top-anything. Yeah, I'm not cool -- at least in that arena. Ha!  I still keep up with what's up, though, via entertainment news. Although I do need some new tunes for my workout list. I need all the help I can get to get off the couch. Send me some tunes or write suggestions below in Comments!*  Love to hear from you!

There was a time I listened to country music in the '80s and early '90s on the radio and I knew everybody. I lived in Texas a lot of that time. A Better Man ~ She's in Love With the Boy ~ Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares ~ 18 Wheels & A Dozen Roses ~  and more... Get this, I could even tell you the artist and the song in the first 5-10 seconds. Trivial pursuit never has THAT category, dammit! Or as my Dad would say, dadgummit! #gameshow #hereicome 

Something, though, that Saturday while sipping my delicious mocha made me turn that radio on... I adjusted the station because it was scratchy and out of tune. At first it was the DJ maybe or maybe the sweet voice carried through straight away across the airwaves, across the decades, the country classic, "Daddy's Hands." *  

I got tingles. 

Not my NF tingles. 

Regular tingles, similar to goose bumps. 

Maybe it was goose bumps.  

I had not heard THAT SONG since the last time I lived in Texas or maybe longer. We are talking YEARS! I will admit I forgot who sang it at that very moment I was listening, leaning back, listening to every word. 

I felt like no one else was there, like no one else was in the world but me and this song: 

I remember daddy's hands folded silently in prayer 

And reachin' out to hold me, when I had a nightmare

You could read quite a story in the callous' and lines

Years of work and worry had left their mark behind

I remember daddy's hands how they held my mama tight

And patted my back for something done right

There are things that I'd forgotten that I loved about the man

But I'll always remember the love in daddy's hands

~CHORUS~

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'

Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong

Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand

There was always love in daddy's hands.

I remember daddy's hands workin' 'til they bled

Sacrificed unselfishly just to keep us all fed

If I could do things over, I'd live my life again

And never take for granted the love in daddy's hands

Repeat CHORUS

Repeat CHORUS

--Daddy's Hands

Holly Dunn is the saint behind this song. She sang it back in the late '80s. A preacher's daughter, Dunn wrote these words, so familiar, so resonant. It speaks so well to the depth of a father-daughter relationship.   

I lost my Dad to cancer related to Neurofibromatosis. He was 51. Listening to this song, I had been thinking about my Dad's birthday - Jan. 12 - and just got through another Christmas without him. A good childhood friend wrote on Facebook she just lost her father after Christmas. Hearing these words on the radio soothed me and just seemed so right, so fitting. I was stunned by the timing of it all. I wanted my friend to hear the song, too. She grew up on a ranch in the idyllic Texas Hill Country. We met in Comfort,TX  - Hard to believe, right?- and remained friends ever since via stamped letters, e-mails, Christmas cards, and Facebook chats. 

More than a decade out, a decade of holidays, a decade of anniversaries, and a decade of birthdays it is still not easy. It never will get easy. Losing a parent. Losing a dad. Even typing it isn't easy.  

Doing my signature "Bulldog" face :) --
Easter Sunday in Arlington, TX

In my case it's been people, nature and even animals, often my pets, that I've surrounded myself with have cushioned the rough spots and helped me sleep better at night and brought sunshine to dark days.

"If you're feeling low, don't despair. The sun has a sinking spell every night, but it comes back up every morning." --Dolly Parton 

Songs provide a balm at times (like above) and other times in sudden moments I find myself in mere seconds sobbing in quick need of a tissue like the time in downtown Seattle when a street musician started to play a song I heard a lot during my childhood and it reminded me of Dad. I can't recall the tune right now. I wish I could. 

There were times in Lewiston where I lived in high school and college and I thought I heard my Dad's Ford pick-up nearby or coming up to the garage. It has happened one to two times here in College Station. Our house was next to a large gravel lot and alley in Idaho. I could always hear the acceleration, gears shifting, the tires across rough pavement, rumbling across the gravel. He's finally home, I thought... But he isn't. It's such a visceral experience. Like a dream, you wake up, shattered, flattened even, by the realness of your life.

I know the rhythm of my Dad's Ford pick-up coming home is something I will never forget; it's like how I know my name, a friend's name, an unforgettable song, or a quiet, lilting hymn. It meant a homecoming. Meeting him through the double doors with his backpack still on... 

There was always love in daddy's hands.

I am just so glad my friend was able to send one last Christmas with her father. She has a wonderful husband & two beautiful daughters. They all spent one last holiday together. That is a lasting memory she will carry with her... Forever.

I am thinking of my friend often! The best we can do is check in with friends without being a nuisance (Ha!) and let them know we are thinking of them during a time of sadness, sympathy, grief. 

Ideas... instead of the classic casserole, 

think of sending:

-A blanket and a good book (unrelated to grief unless they ask for one*) 

-DVD of his/her favorite shows: 30Rock, Madmen, Season 1 Gilmore Girls, Magnum PI, etc.

-My auntie's idea: Starbucks basket (inexpensive basket, fill with construction paper or tissue paper, cute mug that looks like "her" or "him" and some 'bucks cards. Or just the cards in a sweet 'thinking of you' card.

-Dinner delivery -- So many places deliver now, just get a card from their favorite place so they can dial in a meal. 

-Depending on how well you know each other, How about new PJs? Everyone loves new PJs or get a gift card with a nudge to get that instead of kid stuff or husband stuff*

-A friend did this for me and I adored it: A pedicure w/ the works! She got a certificate for me to my favorite local salon... How sweet is that? Plus, she lives in a different state! 

-A special greeting card and don't just sign your name. Write a little something. 

I made it through my Dad's birthday. It has been harder living in Texas than Idaho. I feel the grief more. I feel less connected to him because I'm not near trees, mountains, and animals. It is hard to say but part of me feels as though I betrayed him because I moved here. Although, deep down I know that's not true. I just wish I felt the same connection I felt in Idaho. It's different somehow. 

Time has passed too. 

If I could do things over, I'd live my life again 

And never take for granted the love in daddy's hands

 ©The Healing Redhead

*Let's just say I squealed with delight when I got THIS Christmas present! My cousin also added another card to the bunch! So I was ready to go! Drink it up! 

*I apologize for all the product placement! I do love my Starbucks & my I even named my car. That's a whole other blog post or... Couch time w/ a psychiatrist... (wink!) 

*Send me your suggestions at: lesliee30@gmail.com 

*Holly Dunn Web Page

*One book that helped me during my time of grief was  "When Bad Things to Good People" by Harold Kushner. Yet laughs, a mystery/suspense or a good romance might be a great way to lighten the mood... At least for awhile. All depends on the person. It is always the thought that counts!

*If someone is, in fact, grieving it's important to spend a little "you-time" right now. No one should make you feel guilty for it. Kid stuff is important, of course, but one cute PJ set caught on sale shouldn't bust the budget! Feeling comfy/cozy is important. 

Lyrics: www.elyrics.net